I'm laid back. I live life a little bit slower than some. Could be why I don't write as much as I should. I swear I'm busy. Though, my busy is looking a lot different than it did before kids. For example, today I was busy. 9:45: met tenant in Boulder (sans babies), did walk through of condo. 10:30: Target, desperately needed pacifiers and sippy cups. Home by 11:00 to relieve babysitter. 3:00: met friend (with babies this time) in Longmont for walk. 5:00: picked up Efrain's for dinner, Will's favorite!
Sure there was a lot going on between these tasks: 12 diaper changes, seven feedings, play time, nap time, break downs, laundry, dishes, etc., but when did all of this become my life? I suppose the answer to this question is obvious, but it's only just now becoming evident to me how different my life actually is now that I have kids. Why now? Perhaps because I'm finally coming up for air, perhaps because I'm bored, perhaps because I'm surrounded by people who in my opinion are doing so much "more" than me. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do know that I want "more" for myself too. I'm feeling inadequate, not because of the comparisons I make of myself to others, well maybe a little, but mostly because I'm not feeling fulfilled.
I'm stuck though, a crossroads I guess. What's next? I have NO idea! School? Back to work? Something new, something old? Again, I have NO idea! Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me what to do. It seems like that would be so much easier. Until then, it's time for me to find purpose again. I just hope that I figure it out soon because today's busy just isn't busy enough.
I'm a mom of twins living in a suburban circus...and liking it, most of the time.
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