A New Year-School

I've been inspired by Kelly and Lindsay to throw it all out there! At the risk of sounding like a total and complete whiner I think I'll break this post into several as not to kill the reader...assuming someone is reading this...hmmmmmm??? Anyway, it's been a long time, I know, I know. A lot is going on but probably of most significance is school. I started grad. school for social work in the fall. This has been a bitter-sweet experience. I am so happy to be doing something outside of the home and I learned so much last semester. Also have to throw in that I killed it! I got all A's. However, I feel like my success at school was at the expense of EVERYTHING else in my life. I had no time for friends, no time for myself, spent most nights and weekends writing papers and away from my husband and kids. The laundry went undone, the house was trashed and I don't know that it was worth it. It is daunting to think that this will go on for four years because of my part-time schedule. And yet, I know it's not possible to go full-time with the girls being as young as they are. Maybe I should rephrase that, I don't want to make the necessary sacrifices to go full-time with the girls being as young as they are.

I started second semester this week and the heels they were a draggin'! I'm dreading Research Methods (CRINGE!!!) and part 2 of Human Behavior in Social Environment isn't the least bit exciting either. Part 1 consumed the better part of my life last semester and I'm not looking forward to kissing it goodbye again this semester. I've been anxiety ridden the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what is best for me and what is best for my family. I'm pushing on, and do think that school is a good move for me. Even though bailing on school, getting a part-time job at Pottery Barn and carving out some personal time sounds heavenly. Side note: In spite of Pottery Barn's terrible customer service AND poor quality of products AND generally bad personal experiences with the company, I'm 100% addicted and can imagine nothing better than getting a significant discount (in my fantasy it's at least 50%) on all the glorious Pottery Barn garb that I can get my hands on! Okay, back to reality: it's Saturday night and I'm sitting at Starbucks taking a break from reading for school. Ughhh!

I'll get into this more in future posts, but my biggest fear about school is that I'm not certain I am capable of juggling it all. As I sit here, with over 100 pages to read for next week, Sophie is home with a fever of 101, Ava is running around like a bat outta hell because she hasn't had exercise in three days due to said fever. Will is packing because he'll be out of town next week and if history is the greatest predictor of the future, the girls will be up at least three times tonight, starting about midnight. How am I going to do this? At times I feel like I'm in it by myself and the weight of the world lies on my shoulders alone. I'm almost always overwhelmed. I am worried about everything all the time and not sure what is the right path for me. While I'm definitely not at peace with this decision, I'm pushing on. Here's to chaos, anxiety and stress...I guess.