The Simple Life

When did my life become so rushed? Lately I've been longing for the simple life. I know that a farm in the country (another one of my fantasies) isn't realistic today but I would like to slow things down a bit. I want to do more for myself and avoid getting caught up in the fast paced lives of just about everyone around me. This is going to be tough. My husband is the type that can't hold still and usually this suits me just fine too. The first order of business in slowing things down a bit is sticking to my list.

"Hi, my name is Ann, and I'm an impulse shopaholic!"
"Hi, Ann!"

I'm the person who goes into Target for milk and leaves with the shopping cart overflowing with things I do not need. I go to Costco without a list! Anyone who shops at Costco knows that this can end poorly! While the immediate high is nice, who doesn't like grabbing things off the shelves on a whim, the additional stress of having all that extra stuff in my house isn't worth it anymore. So, I'm sticking to my list while at Target and I'm going to be writing a list before any outings to Costco. Not only will this be nice for the bank account, it will limit some of the junk that seems to come through my door each week.

So far so good. Did Target this morning, and would you believe, I left with only two items! I used to wonder why stores even had baskets. Now I know, they're for the list stickers just like myself! In all seriousness though, I do hope that my efforts to reduce the amount of stuff, thus reducing my stress will provide a sense of contentment. I want to be happy with what I already have. Why do we always want more?

A New Year-Sleep...I hope!

I'm hoping that 2012 is filled with many sleep filled nights for me! I'm embarrassed to admit that it's been over two months now that the girls have been waking up in the middle of the night. Naps have only been okay too, about an hour every day. I feel like a failure as a mom. How is it that I'm not able to figure this out? I've tried everything, cry it out, gates at their door and, yes, physical violence! Okay, nothing too serious...just a spank here and there, but even that's not working.

I had the pleasure of talking to a friend on Sunday who had similar problems with her son and had a ton of insight for me. The solution: splitting them up, using night lights as a cue for when it is/isn't okay to get out of bed, and continually walking them back to bed without saying anything other than, "it's not okay to get out of bed while the night light is still on." I have resisted separating them, well, their entire lives. I have a beautiful fantasy (hmmmm...noticing a lot of fantasizing going on lately) that my girls are in elementary school and have a very civilized discussion about wanting some privacy and space and we split them up then. Not at two because they are being total sh#$*ts and waking up four plus times per night. Oh well, time to let go of that. Is it weird that my fantasies revolve around Pottery Barn and my kids???

It's day three of the "new plan" at nap time. Batting about 500 here: day 1, success, day 2, fail, day three, one is awake and one is asleep. I haven't factored in any points for the fact that I am not sitting in their room in order for them to fall asleep and that they are both in their beds. I guess I could up that batting average a bit. Night time has been better too. We still have A LOT of room for improvement, but Ava, my sleep problem child, actually only woke up once last night, and only because she heard Sophie up. Sophie is a hot mess, sick as a dog, running a fever now for a week straight so I'm not surprised that she has been waking at night, last night at 2:45, 3:15, 5:00 and 6:00. I'm going to continue what I've been doing, as it does seem to be improving things, and once Sophie is back to her old self I'll be a little bit tougher on her. In theory, once the girls prove their ability to sleep through the night and get in a decent nap/quiet time I will be able to bring Ava back into the room with Sophie. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

I guess it goes without saying, I'm tired. Probably the primary reason I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I'm just trying to remember that this, too, shall pass.

A New Year-School

I've been inspired by Kelly and Lindsay to throw it all out there! At the risk of sounding like a total and complete whiner I think I'll break this post into several as not to kill the reader...assuming someone is reading this...hmmmmmm??? Anyway, it's been a long time, I know, I know. A lot is going on but probably of most significance is school. I started grad. school for social work in the fall. This has been a bitter-sweet experience. I am so happy to be doing something outside of the home and I learned so much last semester. Also have to throw in that I killed it! I got all A's. However, I feel like my success at school was at the expense of EVERYTHING else in my life. I had no time for friends, no time for myself, spent most nights and weekends writing papers and away from my husband and kids. The laundry went undone, the house was trashed and I don't know that it was worth it. It is daunting to think that this will go on for four years because of my part-time schedule. And yet, I know it's not possible to go full-time with the girls being as young as they are. Maybe I should rephrase that, I don't want to make the necessary sacrifices to go full-time with the girls being as young as they are.

I started second semester this week and the heels they were a draggin'! I'm dreading Research Methods (CRINGE!!!) and part 2 of Human Behavior in Social Environment isn't the least bit exciting either. Part 1 consumed the better part of my life last semester and I'm not looking forward to kissing it goodbye again this semester. I've been anxiety ridden the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what is best for me and what is best for my family. I'm pushing on, and do think that school is a good move for me. Even though bailing on school, getting a part-time job at Pottery Barn and carving out some personal time sounds heavenly. Side note: In spite of Pottery Barn's terrible customer service AND poor quality of products AND generally bad personal experiences with the company, I'm 100% addicted and can imagine nothing better than getting a significant discount (in my fantasy it's at least 50%) on all the glorious Pottery Barn garb that I can get my hands on! Okay, back to reality: it's Saturday night and I'm sitting at Starbucks taking a break from reading for school. Ughhh!

I'll get into this more in future posts, but my biggest fear about school is that I'm not certain I am capable of juggling it all. As I sit here, with over 100 pages to read for next week, Sophie is home with a fever of 101, Ava is running around like a bat outta hell because she hasn't had exercise in three days due to said fever. Will is packing because he'll be out of town next week and if history is the greatest predictor of the future, the girls will be up at least three times tonight, starting about midnight. How am I going to do this? At times I feel like I'm in it by myself and the weight of the world lies on my shoulders alone. I'm almost always overwhelmed. I am worried about everything all the time and not sure what is the right path for me. While I'm definitely not at peace with this decision, I'm pushing on. Here's to chaos, anxiety and stress...I guess.